


Nothing More Than Children

by Little_Kouhai



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Rape, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, cries, i wish i was sorry, it's even worse if you think about how he lied to her about seylum though, sort of a plot technically i think, the smut part isn't even all that great it's just full of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:22:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Kouhai/pseuds/Little_Kouhai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were still nothing more than children, adolescents caught in war. A boy and a girl, struggling to see the brutal battlefield around them through tear-blurred vision. A boy and a girl, desperately trying to hold onto the last shreds of the innocence that they took for granted as children—innocence that was probably only an illusion of what used to be and what still could have been if fate had dealt them an easier hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing More Than Children

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Stay the Night" by Zedd (ft. Hayley Williams), and written at midnight because apparently the middle of the night is when I need the most angst.

“There's so much, Slaine...”

The young man looked up from his teacup, the object he had decided to fix his gaze upon to avoid having to make eye contact without constantly tossing glances everywhere except directly at Lemrina. He wasn't sure he know what she was talking about, but he had enough of an idea. They were different from each other, so different, and yet...

“...so much in common between us, we are no different from each other.”

Slaine only gave a small nod, raising the teacup to his lips and taking a sip of the beverage that now was neither warm enough nor cool enough to be anything aside from disgusting. It was an excuse to remain silent and give his brain a moment to process her words and formulate a response. He nearly spat the drink out, but it was still better than having no reason to sit quietly without being able to readily reply. She could be a fickle young lady, and that was undeniable. Then again, he could be a rather fickle man himself at times, being difficult to understand and his actions making it impossible to determine what his intentions were.

But that wasn't right. It didn't sound right even in his own head, and he knew how wrong it would be if he were to hear it spoken aloud. She was not a lady, and he was not a man. They were still nothing more than children, adolescents caught in war. A boy and a girl, struggling to see the brutal battlefield around them through tear-blurred vision. A boy and a girl, desperately trying to hold onto the last shreds of the innocence that they took for granted as children—innocence that was probably only an illusion of what used to be and what still could have been if fate had dealt them an easier hand.

He could still recall the days he had spent carelessly playing without even knowing the possibility of that being cruelly ripped away from him. From the day he realized that there was nothing left of the cheerful life he once knew, he found himself constantly reminding himself that there was nothing good he could keep forever. Everything faded eventually, and the only constant was the despair, the pain, the misery.

Lemrina was the only one who understood him, and as much as he loved Asseylum, it had become very clear that she would never be able to understand him at all. But as Lemrina was the best thing in his life at that point, he knew he would be forced to helplessly watch as she was wrenched away from him someday. It may not have been the next day, the day after, or even a year later—but it was going to happen and he knew he was going to be even more inclined to resort to suicide than he was when Asseylum was taken from him.

“War does that,” he said softly, setting the cup back down on the table.

“The war has nothing to do with it.”

The boy tapped the side of his head. He wanted to smile and tell her that everything was going to be okay, that the war he was referring to didn't exist, that they could find a way to pick up the pieces and put their shattered souls back together, but that would be a lie. Pretty lies were only comforting until agonizing reality pushed its way to the surface.

“The one inside your head. When all that white purity seemed to fade to black as you were able to see the shadow of reality falling upon it. We've both been at war with ourselves for years.”

“But I'd give nothing up to return to the blissful ignorance of childhood. Even if to find myself in a place where I used to believe I belonged, I don't think I could do it. This brokenness is the reason I was able to meet you, and this brokenness is the reason I can understand you.”

Slaine could feel the tears pricking behind his eyes, but he had gotten rather skilled at blinking them back and keeping himself from breaking down until he was by himself without the risk of someone else walking in. As dented and damaged as the poor boy was, he _had_ to be able to do that or he would have been knocked about even more than he already had been. “I'm not sure I could, either...”

“We really are one and the same, aren't we?”

He sighed dropped his gaze back down to his lap. It was true—for every difference, there were two ways they were alike on a very emotional level. He could understand her and she could understand him. It only seemed natural that they had grown so close. Even if given the option, he had gained too much to trade the past few years of his life so he could return to the unrealized privilege of innocence. That little loss of purity, the child that was his past self who had died so harshly—those were the things that had made him who he was. And even more importantly, those were the things that allowed him to be so close to Lemrina. He wouldn't trade that for the entire world.

“I suppose that's a way of putting it.”

She glanced up at the clock to check the time. “It's getting late. It's lonely spending every night by myself. This closeness between us isn't something that can last forever, so you'll sleep with me just for a night, won't you?”

He hesitated just for a moment before he nodded. “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

“And you're certain you want to do this?”

The question was soft and tentative. He didn't want her to think he was having second thoughts so soon, or even at all, since he had so readily accepted her request. She wanted to have sex with him, and he saw no harm in it. He liked her, after all, and it was more often than not that he had caught himself _thinking_ about her in a less-than-decent light. But what he cared about was _her_ comfort in the situation and if she really was okay with it.

“I've wanted to for a while. Yes, I'm entirely sure.” She began removing her dress. She was able to make quick work of her clothes without any help, tossing them to the side. “Even if I can't have your heart or soul, I want _this_.” She pulled him closer, pushing aside his uniform as she spoke so softly and gently to him. “I want to hear you moan, I want to see you writhe, I want to know that you'll be getting off on my touches and nothing more. That's all I want.”

Lemrina's motivation was probably all wrong, and it caused a pang of guilt to tighten in his stomach, but he couldn't think past that point. Even if it was wrong, even if he was taking advantage of her in one respect or another, he couldn't even tell as her hand found its way back to his skin after tossing his clothes over with her own. He couldn't think past the soft lips against his heated skin and the small hand groping between his legs.

“She's never made you feel like this, has she? Or am I too late for this, too...?”

The look in her eyes was melancholic, and the guilt got worse. Did she really think she was nothing more than just a tool for him to use whenever he wanted, and dispose of when she was no longer of any value to him? He may have put Asseylum above all else, but she was like a sister to him. Lemrina was so much more than that in a way, and even if she had less value in his eyes than Asseylum, she was still more important than anyone else except the princess who had treated him so kindly from the very moment he arrived on Mars.

So he gave a nod immediately afterwards, trying to push away the haze of his lust so he could form proper sentences and give her the answers she would like the best. He would try to avoid lying to her during their session of what couldn't be described as anything aside from _comfort sex_ , but he was sure that wasn't going to be possible. She wouldn't be happy if he answered all of her questions honestly if those were the kinds of things she would be asking.

“She's never touched you like this?” She gave a rough squeeze, almost enough to hurt.

“Ahh—N-no, never, she never viewed me as anything more than—haah!”

His sentence was cut short as she pulled him down onto the bed, keeping her hand between his legs. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth as he let out a moan, hoping Lemrina had no comments on it.

“Your voice is beautiful, Slaine,” she murmured, palming him through the fairly thin fabric of his boxers. “I'm making you feel good, aren't I?”

Slaine wasn't used to hearing things like that. He'd been called a disgusting whore and told he had a voice worthy of a filthy porn star—two jobs that were heavily looks down upon on Mars. It took him a moment to register that she didn't think either of those things, and even longer to realize that she probably would be more satisfied if he was _louder_.

She struggled only a little as she flipped the position so that she was on top of him. She dropped to the floor with a _thud_. He was almost concerned for her, worried that she may have hurt herself, but he quickly remembered that she wasn't able to feel it anyway. Gritting her teeth in frustration, she moved herself up to put all her weight on her knees. It would have hurt, and Slaine almost worried once again, but the slight swaying and the the way she gripped the blond's hips to make an attempt at steadying herself reminded him that her legs didn't function at all and the nerves in them were entirely useless.

She yanked off his underwear, which were already stained slightly with pre-cum, and threw them backwards over her shoulder. She pressed her index finger against against the tip of his cock, humming quietly as she brought her finger to her lips and licked off the transparent liquid.

“I fancy the flavor,” she said after seeming to think about it for a few moments.

Finding himself at a complete loss for words, Slaine said nothing. He let out a low, breathy moan as she took him into her mouth. He had previously had the thought that he should stifle every little noise that wanted to pass his lips, but he didn't care anymore.

She scraped her back teeth against him lightly, and he moaned again, louder that time. She pulled away, looking up at him with her blue eyes darkened with lust. “Ah, you like that, don't you? At least, if nothing else, I can claim your body.”

He wanted to correct her and tell her that no, she most certainly wasn't the first to claim his body. So much more gently than he had been taken before, he could say, but it wasn't nearly the first time. But he didn't have the heart to tell her that. She had been miserable from the moment she realized she was and always would be living in Asseylum's shadow. She was nothing in her own mind, inadequate and so desperately trying to hold onto the hope that she could be worth anything at all in comparison to her sister.

For that reason, Slaine didn't have the heart to tell her that. He just wanted her to be able to be happy for once. She didn't deserve all the pain and misery she had undergone. Neither of them did, really. They were just a couple of adolescents who—even while their innocence crumbled and they were forced to watch the harsh reality of their situations fall all around them as if the very sky was being ripped to shreds—remained nothing more than children at heart. Not in the sense that they were pure, innocent creatures in need of being protected from the world—they'd been stripped of their purity and innocence, and it was far too late for them to be protected from the world. Unintentionally destructive members of society who were still blinded by their impulses and desires no matter how logical and calculative they believed they were.

He wasn't going to say that, though. He couldn't. It was an illogical decision, but they were a pair of impulsive and destructive children caught in the eternal war-zone and just barely dodging bullets within their own heads. They were helplessly struggling to remain alive in the emotional crossfire that they would never manage to leave. He liked the idea of trying to use lies to lock himself and Lemrina both in a false reality that would be nicer for them. They would be violently yanked from it again, and he knew that very well, but even just a few minutes of living within an illusion of a world where they both could actually have a place to belong was better than nothing.

“All yours,” he murmured hoarsely, grasping the sheets tightly. It was a lie, but he wanted so dearly for her to be happy. They were too alike for him to dismiss her feelings at all. He felt her emotions just the same as if they were his own. “Do whatever you wish.”

“You promise me that?”

“Yes. Every inch of my body is yours to claim, so take it all.”

Lemrina gave a small smile, clearly buying into his lies. She took him back into her mouth, and he once again lost the ability to process anything aside from her light little sucks and how her tongue moved against his shaft. Embarrassing as it was, he couldn't help the lustful moans spilling from his lips.

His chest soon was heaving his breathing only got more and more erratic. She must have taken note of that, because she looked back up at him with those beautiful blue eyes, and the tiniest smirk on her face. “So you're close already?”

“P-please don't stop... Nn, oh God, please—!”

She let herself collapse on the floor and continued with her hand. She pumped her slim fingers up and down his shaft until he came, calling out her name and splattering her face with the sticky, white liquid. She looked as if she had just been degraded, and it probably felt as if she had. The painful part about that was, she had done it to herself and thus probably felt she deserved it.

Slaine got down on the floor and lifted the princess up to sit on the bed, switching their positions. It was easy to see that she was shocked by it, and even more so when he reached over to the pile of their clothes to retrieve an article of his own clothing to wipe the mess off her face.

“Don't to things like that if you're going to look as if you've been humiliated afterwards. I don't like this side of you, and I want to help pick up the pieces. Neither of us belong anywhere, so we've got no one else to depend on than one another. Isn't that right?”

He hooks two of his fingers on the hem of her panties, and just as he was about to slip them off, his hand was caught. “What are you doing?”

“Returning the favor.”

“I only wanted your body, nothing more. You don't have to make yourself do this for my sake. I didn't expect anything from it.”

“I don't care.” He batted her hand away to slide her panties down her pale, slender legs. Every inch of Lemrina's body was just perfect, and he wanted it just as much as she wanted his. His desire was for a completely different reason, but it still felt so selfish nonetheless.

He used two of his fingers to start with, determining whether or not he actually was at all as skilled as he was considering giving himself credit for. He traced her slit, up to her clitoris, which he pressed on lightly. That was enough to draw a sharp gasp from the princess and she rolled her hips. He took that as a sign of approval and pressed a bit harder only for a moment before moving his fingers back down to her opening. He pushed his now-slick fingers into her loosened vagina, though received slightly less of a reaction.

Face reddening slightly in mild embarrassment, he removed his fingers from her and repeated his previous action instead. _That_ was the right move to make, he decided.

“Ahh... That feels so good, Slaine.”

 _Definitely_ the correct move. He pushed her legs apart just a bit to be able to move his mouth down to her cunt. He used his tongue to do just as he had done with his fingers. He flicked his tongue over her clit a few times, eliciting whimpers and moans from Lemrina.

They were so much alike, so he knew what exactly that must have been to her. It was the one thing he could to to almost push out the misery and drown the depression. It was almost enough to kill off the vague suicidal thoughts for a very short while. _Almost_. In the back of his mind remained the misery, the depression, all those vague suicidal thoughts—all the things he had been unable to truly banish for years. That's what it must have been like for her as well.

That's what made him want to do what he was doing. She could probably almost tune out all of the negative thoughts for the time she was gripped with arousal and lustful desires.

He circled his tongue around her clit—slowly at first, until he found that she seemed to prefer it when he was quicker about it. Her moans and gasps here low and breathy, but they seemed so hollow and empty at the same time. He hated it, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. Or ever, really, if he was being completely honest with himself, but now was especially not the time to stop and think about it. These could be the only times when she could find herself anywhere even remotely close to being content. It wouldn't be fair to take that from her.

She climaxed fairly quickly, gripping Slaine's hair tightly and painfully for a few seconds before her whole body went slack and she fell backwards. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and she lay still for several moments. It wasn't until she began pulling her clothes back on that she decided to speak again.

“I was the first to do that, right?” she asked. “No one else has done that?”

The answer was a flat-out _no_. He was used and abused countless times over the years he spent on Mars. No matter how much he would scream and cry and fight back at first, it did nothing to put the treatment to a stop. He could still recall the fear and the pain that came with every assault for the first seven months, and the nausea that made him unable to eat for days after it happened the first few times. But she was the only one he consented to, the only one he had sex with by choice, so he could pretend as if that made a difference. It _should_ have made a difference, and it would have made a difference if it wasn't him as the victim, but he wasn't worth enough for it to matter.

But he wanted her to be happy, so he forced a cheerful smile. He was exceptionally good at making his false smiles look genuine.

“Of course not, Lemrina. My virginity was taken by you and you alone, and I wouldn't have it any other way.”


End file.
